Should you marry your soul mate? Find out pros and cons of marrying your soul mate and what you need to watch out for in a relationship.
During a reading clients often ask if they should marry their soul mate or wonder if a specific person in their life is a soul mate as they receive signs from their spirit guides. Find out my thoughts on what it means to spend your life with your soul mate.
I have hesitated writing about soul mate situations for some time, as I have some mixed opinions about marrying your soul mate. While there are some great things that can come out of it, I will give you some things to think about as well.
Please note this post is based on my own personal opinions and experiences. Your mileage may vary. 🙂
What Is A Soul Mate?
What comes to mind when you think of your soul mate? You might have thoughts of being locked in a loving embrace with someone who is deeply passionate, understands you deep down at soul level, and puts you on a pedestal. You might just have a deep inner knowing that someone is a soulmate. While this might sound great at first, understand there are two sides to the coin.
My definition of a soul mate is someone whom you have spent previous lifetimes with and you have further soul level work to do with that person in this lifetime.
You may feel that you have known this person forever. That is because you have more than likely spent multiple lifetimes together. He may have been your father or your brother in a past life and now a potential mate in this lifetime.
You may have recollections of past lives you have shared together which come through in your dreams.
Often a true soul mate shows up because you have unfinished work to do together and you have at some point agreed to complete this soul level work.
Soul Mates vs. Twin Flames
Many people refer to soul mates and twin flames as one in the same. I do think there are differences between the two based on my own experiences and those of past clients.
To me a soul mate relationship is about personal growth for both parties involved, so the soul level work is at a personal level. While we think we all want growth, often that growth comes with a fairly large amount of emotional pain. When you fight, you can feel a great amount of pain if you feel as though your soul mate might abandon you.
In contrast a twin flame relationship seems to be there for a larger purpose, like coming together to do work for the greater good or something bigger than yourselves. In many twin flame relationships you will have already worked through your individual issues and can now go forward as a comprehensive unit.
Neither relationship is better than the other, they are just focused on different areas of growth.
Are Soul Mate Relationships Pre-Planned?
So, does that mean a soul mate is someone you pre-planned to get together with in this life, so you could both work on life lessons?
What about free choice or free will? You mean, I don’t get to choose who I am to spend my life with?
My personal experience with my soul mate began when I was around 17. I was musing one day in my bedroom about what the name of my future husband would be – girls do that, you know. I was actually looking through a book of baby names trying to find one that fit. All of a sudden, I heard a LOUD booming voice in my head. It said, “his name will be xxx.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but I have only had that very strong loud booming voice in my head come to me about twice in my entire life. And it is one that there is no mistake that you should listen to.
Interestingly enough, the person I was dating at the time did not have that name. That small piece of information came in handy a few years later, when my boyfriend at the time asked me to marry him. I just knew something felt off about it and never said yes.
Marrying Your Soul Mate
Fast forward about a year and I started dating someone in college who did have the same name as what the loud booming voice had said. From the moment we saw each other it felt as though we knew each other from another lifetime. That part was romantic, but being young I had no idea what stepping into a soul mate relationship really meant.
We have now been married for over 20 years and throughout that time there have been shall I say, more than a fair share of challenges in our relationship. These were deep personal growth challenges that at times seemed insurmountable and went far deeper than a general argument.
One of the catalysts for change in our relationship was breaking a soul mate contract that had been in place for many lifetimes.
I think one of the best things that has come out of our relationship is the realization our roles can change. We are no longer bound energetically and have free will to choose to move forward together.
When you think about it from the perspective that part of your job here on Earth is to assist another in their soul’s growth, and they are here to assist you, it may put a new light on your relationships and what they mean to you.
Pros And Cons Of Marrying Your Soul Mate
Over the years I have noticed some characteristics that seem absolutely maddening in this type of relationship.
I mentioned above that a soul mate is someone who understands you deep down at soul level.
- A soul mate is someone who can read you like a book all of the time, whether you want them to or not.
- They instinctively know what you are thinking and will call you on it every time. Every Time. There is nothing you can hide as they know you too well at soul level.
- They know your inner reasons and motivations, even if you say otherwise.
- You will butt heads more than a few times, and they will be correct in what they say, even though you may not want to hear or believe it.
- They will point out your truth, your ugliness, and your shortcomings with a cutting bluntness.
- There are also times when one person grows at a faster pace than another. This can create headaches and head butting.
- Soul mate relationships can be very trying and mirror back every last thing your soul needs to work on. They can extract the worst from you.
On the flip side, one of the best things that a soul mate can bring to you is the feeling of a long-lost best friend, the kind that you can talk to for hours and hours, long into the night.
- You can communicate via mental telepathy. I am not sure if that is a pro or a con. Sometimes more con than pro. 🙂
- There is a complete sense of security being with that person. You know they are with you for the long haul.
- It is the feeling of immediate connection, that you just click.
- As they see you for who you are now and who you can become, I have noticed they tend to forgive more easily when you say or do something hurtful.
- This person also may not be with you forever. They may enter your life with complete intensity and just as fast fade away from your life, creating heartbreak.
The last point I want to make is this street goes both ways. In a soul mate relationship you will offer the same energy, truth, and learning opportunities to the other person.
Should You Marry Your Soul Mate?
So, I guess what I wanted to say is that while marrying your soul mate can be great, you need to figure out why the person is in your life.
Is that person there to work on life lessons with you? Is this something that needs to be done in the capacity of marriage?
Just because someone is your soul mate does not necessarily mean you need to or should marry them.
You may find yourself in an odd non-traditional relationship as not all soul mate relationships are loving relationships, nor do they need to be.
I also think it is possible to have more than one soul mate in this lifetime for various learning experiences.
Soul Mate Contracts
In some cases, you may have made a soul level contract with another before incarnating. That agreement often outlives the good of both and needs to be cleared. This is something that keeps you energetically tied to another lifetime after lifetime. It is one of the things I check for and clear in an Akashic Record Reading.
By clearing a soul mate contract, it does not mean you will get divorced. It means that you will be able to have a more equal energetic relationship and that you will have free will to stay or leave. Clearing a contract can often mean a stronger relationship as a result.
There is no right or wrong, just choice and consequence. It can definitely be the case, but there are many other reasons soul mates come into your life.
What Are Your Thoughts?
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. Have you married your soul mate and does this post make you see your spouse in a different light? Have you found your soul mate in a different capacity, like a best friend? Leave a comment below.
Very interesting article! It’s interesting to read another’s experience with a soul mate.
My own experience was that from my early teen years until my mid-twenties, I had always felt as if someone was missing from my life. It was as if someone was supposed to be there but wasn’t. I tried to ask friends around me if they felt the same but none did. I tried to rationalize that perhaps I felt a connection to someone who might not even be alive, and that I might never see them in this life time. I wondered if the connection I missed might have been a friend, a partner or just a mentor. I did not entertain the idea that it had to be romantic.
After all, I spent 9 years in a relationship with a nice but sometimes dishonest man I loved, but with whom growth was a bit limited by his unwillingness to take a step forward in his own life and face his own fears that kept us both locked in place. At the time I didn’t know why it wasn’t working, I didn’t know his true emotions as he hid them from me, but I was loyal to him and did not dare allow myself to fantasize about another man.
Anyhow, one evening while I was meditating I had a deep experience of connection and felt tremendous pleasurable energy rising through me. That night I wished with all my heart I could meet someone in my life where I could finally share such connection.
A few months later, I met a young man on a spiritual discussion board. I felt called to talk to him. He was intelligent but very feisty in his discussion style, causing much anxiety to members of the forum who preferred quiet, controlled and hyper cordial discussions. I began talking to him in private and in public. I was not bothered at all by his fiestiness in that context and the more we talked, the more we realized we had in common. A few weeks later, I was talking to him every day. By then I knew deeply that we had a connection greater than anything I had ever felt; it felt as if his essence carried the same spirit as my guidance and what I had felt when I had meditated on connection a few months earlier.
I broke up with my boyfriend of the time and the whole of our problems unraveled in front of us as he finally admitted all the fears and blockages he had refused to address for 9 years. I listened but it was too late, we were beyond overdue, we could not grow together in this context anymore. Today we are still friends but he continued the same patterns of categorically avoiding all emotional talk. Change comes from within and although I care for him deeply, there is nothing more I can do for him until he opens up to himself.
I met my new friend face to face and it was an instant click. It confirmed all we felt. He moved in with me a month later and then we got married in February 2014. We are together ever since.
Our relationship is deeply honest like nothing I’ve ever seen, very catalyzing and very sweet. It’s a challenge, and a blessing. The amount of raw emotion we face is extreme and some days I wonder if I’m really ready for this. But there is no bullshit between us, so if I were to run away, I’d be running away from myself.
There’s no one size fits all when it comes to soul mates and marriage. It depends on both individuals and what they are ready for. It depends how much they’re willing to share with each other, the biases they’re working with and their willingness to grow together.
Good luck to all those who are walking or thinking of walking the isle. It’s not always easy, but it usually is very beautiful when done right.
Hi Tina,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! I appreciate you taking the time to write.
Great article and it’s really important to make the distinction between the various types of soulmates out there. I love hearing the stories of how twin flames come to reunite.
Thank you for sharing!
Hi Lei,
Thank you for your comment. It is nice to meet you! Your twin flame article is very good and I encourage my readers to jump over and check it out.
What does it mean to repeatedly see someone`s birthday?? I see a specific date numerous times everyday, even more that 20. Can that be an indication of that person being a twinflame? It is maddening, I can never seem to find the answer for that. I know who the person is, but it is no longer in my life. Do you have any experience with that?
I found the article very interesting and informative. I truly believe that I met my Soul Mate in September of 1950. The night we met we had been talking and playing a game for about 2 hours. We exchanged phone numbers, said goodnight and went our separate ways. I was with a girlfriend, on the way home I said I am going to marry him one day.
She said ‘how can you say that you just met’. ‘I know I just feel like I’ve know him forever and who knows, we’ll see what happens.’
He lived in Suffolk County, I lived in Brooklyn. He called, and would drive all the way into Brooklyn. We married in 1952. It was not like a fairy tale. As you hear it said, We had our ‘Lean Times’ and ‘Abundant Times’. The Lord blessed us with four children and 3 grandchildren. He passed over in 2015.
We knew each other for 65 years, almost made our 63rd Anniversary. 300 plus signatures in the book at his wake. And about 100 people told me how he had helped them in all different projects that they had to do or were trying to but could not afford to hire someone and along came George. He could build a house, fix a furnace,an outboard motor, a car or put in a lawn his price was a glass of beer when he was done.
It has been a year since I can not ‘see’ him, The last thing he said to me was I love you. He is around me always. His legacy this time is 4 children and 3 grandchildren who are following in his footsteps of always being there for the neighbor, the family whose car broke down on I95, so you tow them home with your pickup. You don’t know them just saw that they needed help…because that is what a Good Guy does. I believe he was my “Soul Mate’.
Hello Laura,
This is a wonderful article! As a past life therapist, I have met many twin flames in this lifetime and past lives. The truth is that twin flames are soulmates who got into a sacred union. So this divine marriage is the ultimate connection of two soulmates who want to walk the same path. Twin flames do not come from the same soul who split in two parts but instead they are two different souls who decided to get their relationship to the next level. This concept honors the soul as it does not need someone to complete them but someone who can deeply understand them in every aspect. We have karmic connection with both soulmates and twin flame because we have met them in past lives. Now when it comes about soulmates marriage, I really like that connection because there is a very unique understanding between the couple. They will challenge each other and their relationship will not fade away but instead, it will become stronger. Yet, it takes lots of work from both partners on a personal and relationship level.
It was a pleasure connecting with you today! Wishing you all the best!
Zaria
How can you tell if youve found one?
Be careful what you wish for! I’m so glad I found my soulmate but gosh, some times its a whole lot harder than a conventional, undemanding relationship.